gratitude, brains and bike number three

ACT* in a nutshell

With an increasingly long time between posts, I'm feeling more stuck about what to write, as so much has happened. Did the whole of June just go by?

I'm still having a big adjustment to working full time, in the same place, with the same people, five days a week. I'm already bored with myself saying this. I'm not sure if I'm working harder, but the consistency makes it seems so, and experiencing the team dynamics is challenging, at times. On the plus side, its helping me to get acclimatised more quickly than if I was there less often.

Today is a TOIL (Time Off In Lieu) day, which I am grateful for. And today I'm going to think about gratitude, which is a core component of positive psychology. Recently a good and long term friend of ours, Perry Else, died unexpectedly. He was a Professor of Play at Sheffield Hallam University, UK, which is just about the best job title you could have. Perry was indeed a kind, creative and playful man, and his death in his fifties is shocking. He speaks about his illness here, just three months before he died.

Being grateful for just being alive, then, seems a good place to start. And some other things, in a list, for brevity, in no particular order.

1. Dr Pieter Rossouw, another professor, who gives amazing workshops on neuroscience, trauma and psychotherapy. This is his website.
2. Good Vibrations, a fantastic new movie about man, Terri Hooley, who opened a music shop in Belfast during 'the troubles', and who embraced punk rock in the late 1970's. Made me feel like I'd live through a significant part of recent history, even though I was in Essex and London, not Belfast. The best line: 'New York had the haircuts, London had the trousers, but Belfast had the reason' (to appreciate the ethos of punk). So true.
3. Eat Street Markets. Maybe not the most gourmet experience, but a (high carb) dinner of empanadas, BBQ pork steamed dumplings, Japanese 'pizza', Okonomikake, and lime and coconut gelati would be hard to organise elsewhere. Makes me realise how much Brisbane has changed in the (almost) 25 years we have lived here.
4. Family - for everything, really. Just discovered some new relatives, this seems to happen to me fairly regularly. This time, we share the same (Irish) great grandmother, and our grandmothers were sisters. As usual, the reason we don't know each other is historical feuding, probably around something someone found shameful. At the time. Amazing.
5. Spin class, 6am, Mondays and Wednesdays, despite being given bike no 3 last week, which is the one that makes a loud ratchet noise when you stand up.And despite another annoying instructor, who turned my gears up without my permission...
6. Winter sunshine. And the Sunshine Coast.
7. Food Connect, which had a film night last week: the films were not really for a general audience, being about Latin American soil chemistry (well timed for the World Cup bandwagon, perhaps?), but the food was great. So was the ambiance, with over 100 people in the packing shed on a cold winters night, eating pulled pork rolls with red cabbage, yum... 
8. Supervision with my art therapy colleagues, much appreciated last night. Thank you.

 holding on tightly to something precious

1. Meditation
2. Sourdough

(Numbers restarted)

I have to go to work now. More later. Probably much later.

* Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

the courage to feel: sewing, and birds

 e for emotion: quilted fabric on card

I must write a hundred blog posts in my mind to each one I actually publish, these days. The next four weeks will be really busy, and then hopefully July a bit less so. But enough of the excuses. An interesting article on being really busy here...

from little things - fabric applique

I made this last weekend, which is a good reminder to me that I can make something quickly (and well) when I try. The applique, which still has some tacking in it, was made for our 10 year celebration of Masters of Mental Health - Art Therapy at the University of
Queensland, which we are hanging next week. And speaking of trees, I think this one needs a bird. I knew it wasn't quite finished...

Two movies about powerful emotions, and birds: 

Healing is a beautiful movie about, well, healing. A grownup Kes (1969) for the modern age, perhaps? It really is about the courage to feel, and the power of relationships, both personal and professional. The amazing Don Hany stars as an Iranian man in jail in Victoria, who finds his way back to life (no pun intended) with the help of Hugo Weaving's prison officer and an eagle called Yasmin. This movie may not be in cinemas much longer, as its showing at midday, never a good sign. It deserves better.

Broken Circle Breakdown is a Belgian movie about loss and grief, and country music. Its very sad, but as someone once said, grief is its own medicine, if you hang in there. There is a wonderful and powerful section of this movie about a child and a dead bird, which resonated with this blog post

- sometimes children just get it.

I could go on, but I should feed my birds (chooks), and dog, and go to work. 

More later.

routines, on the other hand, are really helpful too...

 Street art in Annerley, raffia

Good morning! The artwork in this post is particularly colourful, and I guess its been a colourful week. On Saturday I participated in a workshop facilitated by a dance movement therapist, as well as talking about my own work as an art therapist (with help from my framework quilt), to a group of music therapists. Some great synergy right there. One of the songs we 'danced and moved' to was 'True Colours' by Kasey Chambers. See below.

Three days of separate training about trauma, after two weeks of broken routines and long weekends (which involved less exercise, and more chocolate than usual) have all taken their toll, however. Getting the balance more or less ok is a constant process, and it feels pretty good now, after a more normal weekend, albeit buffered by the bonus of having Friday and Monday off. Yes, another long weekend, but this was different, as it felt quite restorative. 

And this time, the gym was open. Phew, I have missed the spin doctor...

 

crazy quilt #1,2,&3

Yesterday I worked on my crazy quilt, which is gradually taking shape, in a collection of squarish nuclei, (as in the top two photos), spiralling outwards in a rectangular form, until they reach the optimum size. Another one begins, and the challenge is to join them together. This is what leads to the craziness, I suspect.

Tree of Hearts quilt, applique on felt -

Their present from me

I recently made this for my ex-colleagues, to leave a piece of myself there, and also to help me process leaving. Its full of symbolism, with many layers of meaning, and references to shared experiences:  it was very therapeutic to make. They seemed to like it!

True colours: In the ensuing conversation and gift sharing, I heard a bit about what 'my colours' are from my colleagues recently - everyone's version was different, which is fantastic: I can have them all. There is a small wonky rainbow on the quilt, above. And no, it doesn't have all the colours. But that is ok too.

I have noticed how much of my textile work is squarish, and that includes other people's work that I am drawn to. This crochet rug is from the op shop at my previous workplace.

Youth week Street art, Goodna

I suspect I have found the source...

Although this actually don't have many squares, but the design is based on a grid. I may have to try a patchwork version of this...

 detail of one of Dad's untitled paintings

Definitely not a square - crocheted cactus from 'the succulent garden' -

My present from them

Interesting Laughing Lotus yoga class in Mt Gravatt last week, which is usually quite strenuous. This time it was 'Yin Yoga, because its a new moon'. I have no idea what this means, but it involved carefully draping ourselves over bolsters, and having blankets draped over us, for rather long poses. Really relaxing and great for my spine, and overall sense of wellbeing, apart from some persistent pins and needles in the soles of my feet, afterwards. 

Was offered, and accepted, the opportunity to work 5 days a week, just until the end of June. Will definitely need more Yin Yoga, during and afterwards. Shame there is only one new moon a month.

Well I am on a roll today, ticking stuff off my list. What's next, food prep for tomorrow's work foodfest? The main aim of which seems to be - (one of our core values) - compost!!

more later

Bluesfest, blogging and perspective taking: how it all helps

 

 Bluesfest acrobats

Seduced perhaps by the immediacy of Instagram, I have been finding it hard to get back to this blog - sort of a blog-lag? (My Instagram name is eclair57, if you want to  find me there...)

Other excuses could include: starting a new job recently, and having spent a bit more time out and about having fun...over two long weekends in a row...however, the real added value for me in being away, is being able to put things in perspective, and this is a really helpful skill, for those of us who tend to be anxious at times. Oliver Burkeman describes it well here. Giving new meaning to the devil is in the detail...

 Bluesfest good friday lantern parade 1

Very uncharacteristically, I went to Bluesfest at Byron Bay for the first time ever, having almost given up on live music about 20 years ago. Apart from Billy Bragg, of course. Why? Too loud, too annoying to stand up for long periods, too unsure what I really liked. I did start to challenge this negative perspective, by going to Woodford early this year, though. And, come to think of it, Reggae for Recovery three years ago, after the 2011 Brisbane floods.

Well, perhaps this new job can also assist me in my leisure pursuits: inspired by my new colleagues, I decided to plunge into Bluesfest on good friday. It happened to be the 25th anniversary, so the line-up was particularly impressive. S was also willing, which helped.

 Bluesfest good friday lantern parade 2

Hard (for me) to capture live music in images, especially on a smartphone, but it was really good fun, and we saw some great acts, including: India Arie, Aaron Neville and Dyson, Cloher and Stringer, three female singer songwriters from Melbourne. Not to mention Rockwiz (a live music t.v. quiz, for the non-Aussie readers), Boz Scaggs and Joss Stone. Phew. 

Then the following night, we saw KC and the Sunshine Band, a real blast from the seventies, at the Tivoli in Brisbane. Wow, that was also really fun. At 63, KC has some health issues, but he is still boogie-ing on down. (His best joke was that he was thinking of changing his name to KFC...oh dear!)

I just spent another long weekend away, this time at Springbrook National Park, in the Gold Cost Hinterland: a beautiful rainforest environment.  We walked and relaxed, and last night, we saw two planets, Saturn and Mars, and Alpha Centuri (nearest star) through the Springbrook Research Observatory telescope, before the clouds set in for the night. Now that's taking perspective!

Looking at very old trees can have the same effect.

  ancient Antarctic beeches at Springbrook National Park 'Best of all Lookouts'

As can this:

 

Perspective-taking: we can either focus on the detail...

 ...or the big picture

Blogging also helps a lot with perspective-taking, as do both art and mindfulness, as they all develop capacity to observe and reflect as well as react. 

Meanwhile I have been making something special for my old work colleagues: this is a sneak preview.

 tree of hearts detail

On the work front, I am slowly adjusting to my new environment. I have booked to go to the International Trauma Conference in Melbourne in August. Trauma, at least, is a given, and a source of continuity. How comforting!

more later.

Kayaking adventure

Brisbane City Council has a GOLD (Growing Older, Living Dangerously) Program, which we now qualify for.  This Sea Kayaking activity at Nudgee Beach today was free! Ok, it rained, but it was still awesome.

 The best part was paddling amongst the mangroves on the coast at high tide...

Avoiding the other paddlers...

And seeing the birds like this egret...

And the cormorant spreading its wings in the sun. When the rain stopped.

Rainbow brooch by Curly Pops

If only I hadn't done body combat and pump the day before, my arms may have hurt less.

One more day in my old job, and then I will have Mondays free-ish.

Looking forward to April.

more later.

heartfelt gallery/crop fest remix

heart #1: felt and applique pocket

After what seems like a long break, I'm back on the blog again.

Meanwhile, I have been trying to adjust to full-time work - in fact, I'm currently doing three jobs, as I am still in my old job for another two weeks, as well as teaching at UQ, and in my new job with Mercy (aka Sisters of Mercy) Services. Which, considering I was basically working only two days a week between November and February, is a huge culture shock!

Change has been pretty much a constant for the past six months. Perhaps longer, it depends when you start counting. But that is when S. resigned from his public service job, which threw things into flux.

 heart #2: deflated patchwork heart

 heart #3: oven g/love heart

Finding things that stablise me has been really important. Art has surprisingly not been a big part of this process, at least recently. Art takes time. I did try to tune in to some tutorials by Michael Nobbs at Sustainably Creative, but found I was too overwhelmed. I remember dad (also called Michael, who was always busy, and who died four years ago this month) saying he played the jazz trumpet as a substitute for painting, as it was easier to pick up and put down again. But I don't play an instrument: basically, yoga, meditation and body combat are my jazz!

 heart #4: Sustainably Creative Heart, drawing

 heart #5: origami

Dad often painted squares when he did paint, being influenced by Joseph Albers (who painted squares) and Frank Stella (who painted stripes) in bright Pop Art colours. I must admit I love the almost ritual quality of the repeated shapes, and patterns, which he claimed to work out on graph paper. which leads me to my repeated heart shapes in this post. 

The idea came from Curly Pops, aka Cam, blogger and fabric artist, who is creating a tea towel of Instagram heart pics to raise money and awareness for heart and lung transplant recipients via the Tour de Transplant currently happening in Victoria (22nd to 30th March). Cam had a lung transplant last year.

 heart #6: flowers and planets

On Friday night we went to crop fest, at Wandering Cooks, at 1, Fish Lane, West End.

Sustainable veggie soup, music, and a good community vibe - what more could you want?

wonky felt rainbow: detail of bigger picture fabric collage

This is a sneak preview of fabric collage I am (secretly) making for my old workplace, Silky Oaks: its going to be called the Tree of Life, and it features hearts on trees. Now the secret is out.

I also have to mention the wonderful Billy Bragg, who we saw and heard on Thursday night at the Tivoli (yes its been a busy week). Bragg is a great communicator, singer and songwriter with a big heart, who creates an instant community at his gigs. I know, I've been to a few now...

Here is Billy busking with Jack Monroe of food blogging fame. Worlds colliding again...

 

 from Mercy Centre, where I attended a mindfulness retreat last Sunday.

Perhaps things will settle down soon. 

more later

secular Buddhism 101: 'mudita' and the everyday sublime

 reverse applique felt, embroidery (using rainbow thread) and button mandala

Since becoming aware of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) almost 4 years ago, when I attended my first Russ Harris workshop, I have also been discovering (and rediscovering) various forms of meditation and mindfulness practice.

I first learnt Transcendental Meditation (TM) when I was fifteen, thanks to my friend Susan, who suggested we attend a talk one evening after school at the Adult Education Centre in Dartington, South Devon. We went on to learn TM, which involves the repetition of a mantra (or sound), and focusing on the mantra instead of thoughts, which leads to a deep level of relaxation, and change in brain wave patterns, quite quickly. We practised regularly for a while, but being teenagers, we didn't like the feeling of being monitored by the teachers after the class - to be fair, they were only being supportive, but I was very rebellious.

 water soluble oil pastel Buddha face

I practiced TM intermittently since, but started to do so regularly again after seeing the value of mindfulness in my clinical practice, and also as a self-care tool, soon after learning about ACT. My teenage clients are fairly unimpressed with the idea of regular meditation, so I often talk about mindfulness in daily life, instead. This means noticing what your senses are telling you, rather than your thoughts.

I have just realised I have been doing TM incorrectly, after reading this article by Stuart Heritage, who points out that you are supposed to meditate twice a day for 20 minutes, whereas I have been doing it for 30 minutes once a day. So I am in a ten minute deficit, but no doubt some is a lot better than none.

I am also curious about the secrecy surrounding the mantra that Heritage refers to. The cynical part of me suspects this is a way of keeping the teachers as the experts, so new learners don't teach their friends - its a pretty simple technique. There was quite a ritual to the giving of the mantra, and it being specially chosen to suit our personality: however, when Susan and I eventually told each other our mantras (against instructions - but we were rebellious teenagers, what did they expect?) we realised we both had the same one, which was kind of deflating. Perhaps that is another reason for the secrecy...

 appliqued new and vintage textile labyrinth meditation path 

(which formed part of my social work frameworks presentation - social work is represented by the  embroidered tablecloth)

The idea of the labyrinth as a walking meditation path is an ancient one and occurs in a variety of cultures including christianity. I became aware of the potential of the finger labyrinth as a meditation tool through one of my students, also an ACT afficionado, who conducted a pilot  research project into using finger labyrinths.Basically the finger traces the path, which resembles a walking meditation path, but is obviously much smaller.

sitting meditation - pastels

This weekend I attended talks by Martine and Stephen Batchelor, who teach within the Buddhist tradition, but from a secular and contemporary perspective. The talks included walking and sitting meditations, with a focus on developing 'mudita', or Appreciative Joy, which is one of the four virtues/divine states of dwelling or 'feeling tones' as Martine described them. The other three are Loving Kindness (metta), Compassion (karuna) and Equanimity (upekkha).

Stephen then talked later about the Everyday Sublime, (he also said to be very wary of any nouns beginning with capital letters, but anyway). This equates to mindfulness in everyday life, and includes appreciative joy, but also suffering, which Buddhism is often concerned with. This all fits very neatly with ACT, which emphasises the human tendency towards'experiential avoidance', or how we try to avoid feeling anything we label bad, sad or mad.

The main point of Stephen's talk was the role of the arts and the artist in practicing the Four Noble Tasks (often called Truths, but he prefers Tasks, which is also very ACT-ish, as it emphasises action). The sublime is a term from aesthetics, which includes terrifying yet fascinating experiences and the emotions they evoke, as identified by the Romantic poets, for example. Stephen suggests the role of the artist is to articulate the everyday sublime, and this includes:

• Embracing Life
• Letting go of Reactivity
• Affirming Freedom from Reactivity and 
• Cultivating this way of life, 

which together leads to Awakening or Enlightenment (more capital letters).

All very interesting and I feel very inadequate in trying to relay the concepts, but I am hoping this will help me remember and understand, as much as anything. This is quite a long post, and now I am going out to dinner. It was my (our) wedding Uni-versary (we got married on Leap Year Day) this weekend.

Congratulations if you made it this far, which is also a good thought for an anniversary, albeit not a 'real' one.. embracing the everyday sublime, appreciating the joy, and the wisdom to know the difference, or something.

more later