the end of summer

Quilted Thai pocket - book cover

In two days it will be autumn, although we may hardly notice the difference. Last week was cooler, but now the summer heat has returned with a vengeance.

Its been an incredibly rough and tumultuous summer, with the Christchurch earthquake last week being the most recent in a series of natural disasters in this part of the world. I was in Christchurch in March 1977 - my first Antipodean autumn in my 'gap year'  - I remember waking up in a tent to the bell-like warbling sounds of a magpie, very different to the melodious British birdsong I was used to. We went to Cathedral Square, and encountered a strange man with a beard who called himself  'the Wizard', talking to a huge crowd of onlookers. He was hugely entertaining, but I have no idea what he was on about. I remember he had a toy telephone and he said it was a 'hotline to god'. That's my memory of Christchurch, 34 years ago. It looks nothing like that now.

We are planning to revisit New Zealand later this year, in early December. I want to walk the Routeburn Track again, an amazing mountainous track starting at Milford Sound, which takes about three days to complete. Very few buildings are involved.

view from Routeburn Track

I'm almost two months into this blog, and it is a real struggle to write today. The academic year starts tomorrow, and the next three months (and a half) are likely to be full-on, with teaching, admin. and marking activities. Its enjoyable, but the start is always daunting. Especially so this year, and there is new technology to grapple with, and we have lost our regular teaching space, and although I know it will all be fine, I have been waking up at 4am most mornings with a mild case of anxiety.

This has been exacerbated by two weeks of less than perfect health, starting with a sprained ankle, closely followed by asthma, which got slightly out of control. Both things were manageable, but they have prevented me from doing much at the gym,which is an important part of my stress management system! So really when I needed it most, I have been limited to walking the dog and doing body balance.

Yesterday we had a journal-making workshop for our new students. They get to make their own visual journal, faciliated by one of our graduates. Its one of my favourite activities and I have already shown some of my journals in this blog. This is the one I made yesterday, opened out to show front and back covers. The covers are quilted, appliqued and embroidered:

journal cover

I sewed tiny coloured ladybird buttons onto the front cover (on the red flowers). I keep coming back to textile work, I find it very creative and at the same time, comforting. I'm doing a lot of quilting at the moment. The image at the top of this post is another book cover, as yet unfinished, photographed from an unusual angle. I quilted two pockets from a traditional Thai jacket (I was never going to wear it) and glued the mini quilts onto card which will become book covers. It will be fiddly to make, as the covers are not a standard size, such as A3 or A4, so the paper will all have to be cut to size.

I am not going to revisit all my goals again, as I did last month. However, I can report that I am going well with not buying clothes. So far this year, I  have only bought gym gear: a pair of gym shoes (badly needed), a gym singlet from the discount Reebok shop opposite the Mater Hospital, and a pair of track pants - $15 from K-mart. I read about this little brown dress project, whilst waiting to have an x-ray last week. Alex Martin from Seattle wore the same little brown dress very day for a year (she was allowed to wash it). It demonstrates how constraints can sometimes inspire creativity.

That is so cool. I couldn't go that for though. My next goal on the clothes front, is to clear out my wardrobe and chest of drawers (again). Now I have stopped buying things, it should be easier to decide which clothes I no longer wear, and to get rid of them. Perfect time to do this: the end of the season.

Next week I am doing my Pyjama Foundation training, after which I hope to be given a family to visit for reading duties. And the Federal Government is finally talking about introducing a carbon tax, under pressure from the Greens. Or is it a carbon price? Who cares, just get on with it...

more later.

Tread carefully, you could be walking on eggshells, or skating on thin ice

coloured pencil drawing:

hands, feet and 'the negative space'

This drawing started with an outline drawing of my feet, which I coloured in using two amazing thick pencils with multi-coloured 'lead', then I added the hands, and finally the containing darker shape around the whole image, which is curiously like an 'alien' head. I remember my high school art teacher saying 'notice the negative space' in an image, which is the shape that contains or surrounds the other 'positive' shapes. Thanks Mr Ritchie! This negative space gives definition to the positive, creates contrast, and perhaps also symbolically reminds us that we can't avoid the negative... 

I was thinking prosaically about my feet, because I sprained my ankle a week ago, and so have been noticing ungratefully the limitations this minor injury has imposed on me. This coincided with a mild cold, and with S being away, which has meant I have been feeling less than excellent, and with more to do than usual, in the past few days. The main undesirable change has been fewer options at the gym; in fact I have only been there twice this week, for a PT (personal training) session and a body balance class, which is relaxing and not stressful to ankles.

So I was thinking, before I made this image, about the many metaphors in English involving feet or walking, such as the sensible: 'taking baby steps'; the ecologically responsible: 'tread lightly' and 'leave only your footprints behind'; 'walking on eggshells', often used by clients to describe the experience of living with a violent partner, and my favourite, which is not actually about walking at all: 'when you are on thin ice, skate fast!'.

Why hands? I have just started reading a book called The case for working with your hands, or why office work is bad for us and fixing things feels good, by Matthew Crawford. Written by a Brit with a PhD in political philosophy, Crawford explains why he gave up his well paid job in a 'think tank' after 5 months, to become a motorcycle mechanic. He was much happier with this second occupation, which combines complex problem-solving with manual work. I found that my lack of knowledge of engines was a limitation to fully appreciating this book, but I think I got the gist of his argument. My brother, who spent years living with greasy parts of old Norton's or BSA's strewn around his living room, would definitely get it.

Its possibly just a new take on the Marxist theory of alienation - which occurs if workers are removed from the means of production, and become parts of a factory assembly line instead. However, Crawford is also arguing that making (or fixing) things with your hands somehow 'feels right': after all, we evolved into humans with this unique brain and hands connectivity. We think about how to solve problems, and we do something to try to solve them.  And as an art therapist, I can see some useful parallels. Put simply: perhaps we can 'fix our troubled minds' by making things with our hands. One of my adolescent clients actually wrote 'you need hands' on one of his artworks. And then there was this:

I went to my office on Thursday, to find that a jackhammer one floor below was creating a 'no thinking zone' in the entire wing of the hospital where I work. Actually that's not true - there were some thoughts - but not work related ones. I then found out there was no power, and I was close to giving up and going home, but I had a couple of meetings scheduled, which it would have been annoying (and rude) to miss.

I stayed, the noise subsided and the power was restored, so I started working on a new database we have to learn, to deliver our courses more effectively, or something. Within an hour, I could feel RSI coming back to my right wrist, which happens when I do too much mouse clicking. Ankles, wrists, if I was looking for a pattern I'd find one here.  Then I realised my hour of database training had taught me how to create things (i.e. folders), but not to delete them if I made them in the wrong place....Yes, its been a challenging week: the meetings, however, were rather more productive and enjoyable.

In ACT, the importance of our committed actions, which usually involve using our hands and our feet, are emphasised. In this case, not leaving when I felt like it, was the important action, if inaction can be called an action.

In relation to my last post, I noticed that Justin Bieber believes that 'everything happens for a reason'. Apparently this includes rape. Enough said.

More later.

'Sh*t happens': but not always 'for a reason'...

In the public arena this week, Federal Opposition Leader Tony Abbott was questioned on TV about the appropriateness of his comment 'shit happens', whilst talking to Australian soldiers in Afghanistan about the death of a colleague. His response to being questioned about this, was half a minute's embarassing silence, even though his original comment seemed reasonable in context. His lack of response made him look flustered and unprofessional, not to mention lacking in leadership qualities.

Meanwhile at work, a colleague was traumatised by viewing a graphic image of a distressing event, which was inappropriately brought into her workplace. Her comment, 'was I meant to see this image for some reason?' got me thinking...

Undoubtedly, shit happens and clearly, we cannot always protect ourselves from experiencing trauma. Usually, we may feel pretty resiliant, and can often bounce back from upsetting events. Some of us routinely hear about trauma during the course of our work. Sometimes, however, there is a crack in our armour, and something random will affect us strongly, causing us to experience vicarious trauma. This is a real hazard in working as a therapist, or in a related role.

The effect seems to be culmulative - we cannot always predict which will be the straw that breaks the camel's back, but when it does, we may feel shocked, upset, angry or fearful. We may lose confidence in our ability to continue doing this work. What I find hard to understand, is the response to traumatic events that I often hear, usually from women, namely that: 'everything happens for a reason'. I heard (most inappropriately) this after the Boxing Day Tsunami, for example...

Colour your Heart for Valentine's Day: Love Flood  

I have just read an article in the Weekend Australian magazine about gambling and randomness, which suggests that it is a human trait to find patterns where there are none. This seems to explain why there is a need to see random negative events as part of a Grand Plan.

I mentioned in my last post, that I was struggling with the issue of spirituality, and this may be part of the reason why. I cannot believe in the notion of 'a Plan'. In fact, I believe, (if there is a god), that god's secret is: 'there is no plan'. I believe some things happen for a reason, but only if the reason is based on science...

My drawing above is sort of related to this - S is in Mission Beach, North Queensland, doing more Community Recovery work, this time in the Cyclone Yasi affected area. He had booked a table at a great restaurant for Valentine's day - now sadly unusable! I am a bit sad about this, but hey, I'll cope. Its important work, as it enables people to get government assistance for rebuilding their cyclone damaged homes.

The Wall: I Love U

On the topic of Relationships: the subject of this image is how we can feel as if there is a defensive wall between us and others, but if we dig deep enough, we find out that we are still connected. Wow! I am starting to sound a bit New Age myself...

More later.

The final five areas for committed action in February!

Before I start on my main topic, I will share this link to cartoonist Liza Donnelly talking about her work, and how it has been 'her saviour'. My favourite cartoon is the one where the child says: 'I'm staying together for the sake of my parents'. I meet a few children who do this in my work as a therapist. Its something I was pretty good at too, as a child.

A week ago I posted an update of my progress so far, with eight of the thirteen areas of change I identified at the start of this blog, Doing What Matters. I promised to address the other five areas in the near future, which I will do now.

Barbie's magic castle

Therapy

Therapy refers to my work as an art therapist, both as an art therapy (AT) educator, and as a therapist for an NGO working with children and families; mainly those who have experienced trauma and/or grief. Since I am already doing both these jobs, my aim is to keep improving my practice, and to extend my knowledge and skills as much as I can. The photo of the Barbie castle is one I chose for our program review at the end of last year, to reflect what I love about this work. I found the castle abandonded by the side of the road (from a garage sale) and this is part of its attraction. Open it up and all sorts of amazing things start to happen, or at least to become possible. (And I never had a Barbie when I was a girl).

On the teaching front, we are facing huge challenges at the moment in terms of developing our skills to cope with changes in teaching delivery, using electronic systems for example. I have been rewriting one of my courses for this year to include a reflective blog for students, to write about theoretical approaches to AT and their artwork responses. I am looking forward to seeing how this works in practice, and I am excited about it since it parallels what I am doing here to some extent. In fact, one of the reasons for starting this blog was to trial my ideas for my teaching practice.

In relation to being a therapist, I am trying to incorporate Acceptance and Commitment Therapy into my AT practice as much as possible. This seems to be particularly applicable to working with teenagers. Bringing in new approaches keeps me interested and hopefully improves my practice, and outcomes for clients.

Fruit bowl - I Phone photo 1

Home

On the home front, I am frustrated by the February heat and humidity, and it is at this time of the year that our decision not to have air-conditioning is most severely tested.  I am doing very minimal cleaning, organising or anything much that involves movement, unless I have to. Like August, the tail end of winter, February is when we are over the heat, and this summer in particular has been so destructive and wild, it hasn't been much fun at all. I have hardly even been to the beach.

But anyway, in relation to home, I am noticing how much I enjoy being home and doing things around the house. Often these are creative, such as making things for the home, or just for the fun of making. Preparing good food in the hot weather is challenging, so I am planning to make lots of salads in the next few weeks. On Friday night I made buckwheat and chicken salad, with avocado, mango,  pistachios and pomegranates, and I didn't even cook the chicken. (I bought a cooked chicken). We are eating fewer take-aways than we used to, and when the rest of the family had take-away the other night (curry, as usual) I didn't want to eat it, so I had a mushroom and spinach omlette.

I had fun with my i-Phone the other night, downloading some photo apps which make some instant effects possible. The fruit bowl is an example, using Hipstamatic. Here is another one of me, using crazy Photo Booth:

I Phone photo 2

lightning flash PFX Weather and I Phone



emotional growth

The image above, in which I added stormy weather effects to my photo, seems like a good one for emotions. Using the weather to describe our emotions can be really useful - weather is something external we are all affected by and it is more tangible in some ways than an emotional state. The weather is not something we can control - it just 'happens to us'. I have noticed less anxiety being around recently, and whilst this may change, I am enjoying it while I can. It may be to do with meditation, which I am managing to practice virtually every day. Sad feelings come up sometimes, and tend to stay around for a while. I am trying to stay with these feelings, and not distract myself - it doesn't usually work anyway.

I have also noticed myself laughing more often, which is a good outcome.

communication

The main area of communication is the blog, which (clearly) speaks for itself! I have had a chapter accepted for an e-book on Australian art therapy, which I submitted just before Christmas. In my own world, communication could always be improved. I am often torn between the need for open expression, and the need for order, and clear-headed decision making. Sometimes I wish I was more outspoken, sometimes less. Perhaps that makes for a happy medium, I'm not sure.

spirituality

This seems almost like an afterthought, which it probably shouldn't be. I haven't honestly given it a great deal of thought. Its a hard thing to think about, even harder to write about. I should do some artwork about it, and see if that helps.

more later.



reggae for recovery: many rivers to cross

This took me back, its so long since I went to a reggae festival...probably not since we lived in Brixton over 21 years ago...and it was such good fun! After a frentic day the day before, it was so relaxing to just sit and listen to music for 2 or 7 hours!! The weather was perfect: no sun, not much rain, just clouds keeping the temperature moderate and the skin unburnt.

Highlights were Maxi Priest (Wild World) and Jimmy Cliff (Many Rivers to Cross, I Can See Clearly Now, By the Rivers of Babylon - there's a theme there given it was a flood benefit!), but I must admit I also enjoyed the Bob Marley covers, and there were many - Redemption Song, One Love, Buffalo Soldiers (but sadly not Is this Love, my favourite) - sung by his son Ky-Mani and the Original Wailers (two separate acts). Here is a review.

Ky-Mani Marley at Riverstage (his back is to the audience)

There may need to be many more recovery events for Queensland - at the time of writing, Tropical Cyclone Yasi is looking like an extremely destructive 'weather event' about to happen in the North, with huge storm surges and about a metre of rain predicted, not to mention winds of about 240kph. This puts the Brisbane floods into perspective, as they mainly affected some unlucky people with houses in low-lying areas of the city, but this cyclone could damage much more property, kill more people and generally cause more devastation.

I'm no good 2

I did this about 10 days ago at the AT and ACT workshop I facilitated . The point is to take a common unhelpful thought and to mess around with the words, as a way of 'defusing' its potency. I did this by using soft pastel pinks and blues, bubble writing and vegetation. Someone pointed out that you can change the meaning by just changing the word order, so it becomes 'no, I'm good' but this is missing the point. The point is to notice the thought and let it go. I often have a similar thought - maybe in relation to not doing something I was planning to - like going to the gym when I am too tired - (and really, in the scheme of things, I still do go to the gym pretty often, I can afford to have a break when I am tired!) however unjustified, I still have these unhelpful thoughts - we all do- and its important to practice ignoring them (like we do planned ignoring of naughty children - I like that metaphor, thoughts as naughty children!) as much as possible.

eye of the storm

I did this watercolour drawing/painting a year or so ago. Its looking a bit like a cyclone so I decided to include it. Its actually about trying to put all the strands of my life into some sort of coherent order - I ended up with a cyclone!

This satelite image shows the huge size of cyclone Yasi - bigger than Queensland...

Now we have to wait and see what happens. I am thinking of everyone in North Queensland.

More later.