the Yin and Yang of study: How mindfulness and combat helped me get through social work

meditation cushion

I made this cushion as a prototype, and stuffed it with two old pillows - still a bit soggy so think it needs to be smaller and more compact.  I have trouble getting my knees lower than my hips (when sitting on the ground).

I heard a program on RN the other day about an article disputing the 'validity' of yin and yang and Traditional Chinese Medicine, suggesting it was all an invention of Chairman Mao, trying to 'sell' Chinese culture to the West.. These kind of debates are always tricky, and the point about it for me was that it made me think about how the idea of opposites is very appealing. And in fact the calmness, stability and balance we crave is possibly a reaction to the craziness we live in much of the time. 

Speaking of which, this Blogger Dashboard is becoming quite unstable, flickery and annoying, and if it continues for much longer I will have to break up with it and move to Word Press or something more user friendly.

So I am also reflecting on what helped me get through a two year Masters program in Social Work, finally and totally finished last Friday with an anxious 8-minute rave about why we are ready to be social workers. We are? Sort of...

And I believe that in the last challenging semester in particular, a combination of mindfulness practice and intense exercise (body combat and spin classes) helped me get through. And of course, although they seem like opposites, they aren't really. They are both body based, and provided a welcome relief from so much thinking, thinking, thinking.

I acknowledged in the MBSR class last night, that I have a slight fear of what will happen if I stop thinking completely (which is a goal of meditation, in so far as meditation can have goal), to which the teacher responded with Decartes' 'I think therefore I am' - taking me back to my first year of undergraduate study on the philosophy of the Enlightenment: I don't particularly like this concept, but I acknowledge it is so often an experiential reality.

 

Perhaps this is the antidote I am searching for - Drawing your Life - looking forward to  doing this now I have some time - in theory at least. 

 triple Z building, Fortitude Valley, Brisbane - a good sort of craziness?

the owl and the pussycat went to sea...in a beautiful pea-green jetski - more craziness

 limited palette

 
rain - finally, we got some

Yes I admit, drawing also helped me get through. It provided a good way to process difficult experiences, and to move beyond thoughts. Studying social work has made me more convinced than ever of the value of art therapy. As an emotional outlet, cultural expression, and mindfulness tool. 

But mainly I am relieved its all over. Some days I never thought I'd get there (here). Phew.

more later.

21 bad habits: noticing the 'not so good'

Rabbits to illustrate Habits

Thanks to my friend Phil, for inadvertently suggesting this blog topic, by commenting on how I had such 'healthy habits'...feeling a bit of a goody-goody. Well, sorry to disillusion you but I also have some unhealthy ones. Here is a 'short' list:

1. Losing my temper - this happened only yesterday, after finding out I had no money in the account I normally withdraw cash from.
2. Watching TV indiscriminately - well, within reason, I draw the line at most commercial TV - but sometimes, that is all I am capable of. Doesn't usually take long before I am asleep in front of it, most nights. Which kind of proves its pointlessness.
3. Speaking of which, insomnia. Don't get me started. Once started, its a hard one to break. The MBSR is helping, as is no longer being on placement.
4. Drinking alcohol.
5. Drinking coffee.
6. Ignoring the dog, or telling her off for whingeing (she's a staffy, and they are known for it, so hardly her fault - its genetic!). 
7. Complaining in general. At the end of yoga class, we get to pick a card with some sort of 'advice'. Well, I've picked the same card: 'Give up the need to complain'  - on at least two occasions. The universe has spoken.
8. Picking at my cuticles, urgh.
9. Not rinsing the dishes after washing up. I am trying to work on this one. 
10. Generally, not cleaning the house often enough.
11. Being untidy, especially in a creative episode. Pins, threads, crayons, paper, books, scattered to all corners of the house.
12. Not ringing people unless I have to.
13. Not finishing cups of tea. I am also working on this one.
14. Overthinking. Just starting to realise how common this one is. The unavoidable bad habit of the human race.
15. Shopping. Usually I am quite good at not doing this unless I have to - but sometimes I get on a roll. I went to Officeworks for printer ink and came back with star shaped candles, pens, erasers, silver star shapes, printed sticky tape, and christmas wrapping paper. Oh, and printer ink. A classic example. And yes, they were mostly on special. But anyway.
16. Then coming home and ordering books online, (not from an independent bookshop). 
17. Cooking variations of the same meal, too often. Usually involves garlic, onion, tomato, canellini beans, some meat, and whatever else is in the fridge.
18. Eating chocolate. And sugar.
19. And meat. 
20. And gluten (could be provoking my osteo-arthritis)
21. Generating lists of negative self-talk...

Surprising how quickly I created this list, or maybe not, considering #14. Homework this week for MBSR is noticing our 'not so good' experiences, as a way of increasing awareness of how we tend to avoid emotional pain.  So perhaps this is somehow helpful. At least I can feel good about doing my homework.

more later

grateful # 7 & 8

In which I continue my gratitude journal as part of my Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction Course.

Monday

1. My last nocturnal mural painting session with the marvellous Gordon Hookey and the Kangaroo Crew at FDS (placement). Supported by pizza and damper, and some curious kangaroos, waiting outside in the car park for us, who clearly knew Gordon was there...

 

2. If I could choose a totem animal, today it would be a hedgehog. Just saying.

3. Almost there, just 8 minutes to go (which won't happen for another 10 days...). Then I will be able to graduate. Yay.

4. An extra one, because the house exterior got cleaned today. Even better, not by me. By professionals.

Tuesday

1. Interesting how busy I got, once I stopped working at my placement. How did that happen? So good to have time to reflect, in MBSR group tonight. 

2. My QUT grocery bag - 21 months later, it is all still a bit surreal!

3. Speaking of groceries, my youngest got his first job today, and is following in his older brother's footsteps, by becoming a fresh food person. He is apparently having more success than either of his parents at getting work at the moment...ha ha

more later...

Grateful #5 & 6

Yesterday (Sat)

1. Body pump and body balance (counts as one choice) - missed them last week, good to be back knocking out those lunge-jumps (is that even a word?).

2. About Time - a movie which starts out being about men trying to fix everything via time travel, and ends up being about mindfulness and values...its also partly set in Cornwall, and today was Dad's birthday...

3. Dinner - flathead with beetroot risotto - partly cooked by me, partly by S. Delicious!

Today (Sunday)

1. Cycling early this morning on the Brisbane city river loop. Beautiful day.

2. Excellent coffee on the Goodwill bridge, during cycle, thanks Brendan!

3. Mending stuff - jumpers, shorts, pyjamas - always puts me in a good mood! (much easier to fix than stuff that requires time travel)...

more later

grateful #3 & 4

Thursday 31st

 

1. Drawing

2. 'Cows are good listeners', Mary Rose O'Reilly

3. Time: in the 'now'

Friday1st November

1. basket of art materials - so inviting!

2. Jacaranda flowers and leaves

3. Skull keyring for Day of the Dead, which I believe is today.

I usually set myself up to fail these challenges, but I am trying to write 3 things I am grateful for here every day. This week's MBSR homework...I think! I have done this on my I-phone before, but lost it all when the phone broke. For those of you with a functional I-phone, its called 365 grateful, or project 365, or something similar.

Anyway, whether its doomed to fail or not (and after all, this is an exercise in positive psychology) it has to be worth a try.

I have started talking to people, slowly, about Open Table, which I may have mentioned in my last post.  I want one here, in Brisbane! And I'm hoping it can happen, with some networking and effort.

more later