Back to basics

A month on from my last post, and I am struck by how perspectives can change so much in a short time. I was feeling very under-employed in January - now I am feeling the opposite, and at times, I've been quite overwhelmed in the past week, as I've struggled to adjust to this 'new normal'.

Self-care was a topic I wrote about last month, and its actually a constant theme in my thoughts, as I work in a stressful and emotionally demanding area, as a therapist with children and families. Increasingly lately, this has been impacting on my sleeping patterns, which are becoming unhelpfully unreliable.

Last night, whilst awake when I didn't want to be, I tried imagining an 'anxiety monster', as this would be something I might ask my clients to do.  This is how it looked in my mind, sort of. Its more 3D than this, and I am planning to make a soft textile version...

 I have tried to keep drawing, and posted some of my daily drawings on Instagram for a week.

I can see self-care creeping through in this drawing! Its been important to me to try to stay healthy and keep up my exercise regime and meditation practice, but the meditation has been slipping of late, which I suspect is impacting on my sleep. Everything is connected, somehow.

This collage was prompted by a dream of walking along the muddy banks of a river, probably the river Dart, which flowed through the town I lived in during most of my childhood, Totnes in Devon, South West England.  It was completed in my peer supervision group, and it is also anticipating some exciting new work projects.

I attended a great training workshop with Liana Lowenstein, a Canadian social worker, and prolific author, who also works with children, in private practice. And this week I am going to another of her workshops, this time in Sydney. The drawing is of my family as Brassicas, which I completed in Liana's workshop.

My younger son has been overseas, and this has been inducing some anxiety, although its also given us an early taste of having the proverbial empty nest. And that has been fine...

A chapter I co-wrote with a colleague has been published in a new book on working cross-culturally in creative therapies. This is really exciting. There is another chapter on the way, in fact, just about to go to the publisher, which has some great research results for art therapy. That may take a while to be published, but its even more exciting, as its the result of collaborative work with two of my colleagues over almost a decade.And I believe its ground-breaking.

There is certainly a lot happening on the work front. And its mostly all good. I just hope I can keep a good perspective on things, not get overwhelmed too often, and get back into daily mindfulness meditation.

I'll keep you posted, excuse the pun.

Namaste.

more later

being moved by moving pictures

 
I have always loved the cinema, and can remember being entranced by a range of different films - seemingly overlong children's movies like ChittyChittyBangBang, which excitingly included an intermission, obscure foreign films at the beautiful 14th century Barn Theatre, Dartington Hall in Devon as a teenager, more obscure foreign films at University, and more recently, less obscure, but preferably art house films in the independent cinemas in Brisbane.

In Hobart, on holiday at the end of last year, we naturally gravitated towards the State cinema in North Hobart, and coincidentally saw two films about women behind cameras:1,000 Times Goodnight, and Finding Vivian Maier. Both were also about trauma - the first is about a woman, played by Juliet Binoche, who is a photo journalist in dangerous, war-torn places and it examines the devastating impact of this frightening work, and her absences, on her family. The first part of the film shows her filming a suicide bomber about to detonate herself in a busy market in Afghanistan, and is incredibly intense and psychologically shocking.

Recent events in France make it more so. And I couldn't help noticing, that the backgrounds of at least three of the suspected French terrorists, if that is what they were, grew up in care - they were 'looked after children'. This has to tell us something important about how people can become brutalised and have empathy deficits later in life. Basic Attachment Theory 101.

The second film we saw was a documentary about an American woman, Vivian Maier, who left a vast collection of photos, and undeveloped film, behind when she died. The film maker John Maloof found the huge body of work, which had never been seen before, and decided to investigate. The film showcases her street photography, mainly from 1950's and 60's, and also explores and relates what is remembered about her life, by those who knew her. This is a fascinating story of secrecy, survival, and also of a traumatic life, as it turns out.

Two more recent films we have seen are the Imitation Game and Birdman. Both are great, go see them.

 Quote by Vivian Greene - one of my favourites, its very ACT

On a different note, I just re-completed the Happiness survey, and scored 84.3 %, higher than when I last did it, in December 2010, which is effectively when I started this blog. Up by almost 10%. I know how stats can be manipulated, so I am not making any claims, but its interesting. And yes, I have to admit I am excited about some things that are happening at the moment, which I hope to write about soon. Meanwhile, I am going to yoga soon. Its been difficult, with all my self-care strategies being on a break. How are we supposed to take a break, if our mechanisms for doing so are also on a break? Hmm.

 

link

More later.

Out of Tasmania - Happy New Year!

This series of bird images derives from a sewing project, in a book called Scandinavian Stitching by Finnish textile artist Kajsa Wikman.  

I used the leftover paper cut outs of iron on bird shapes to collage this image in my visual journal, above. I then almost ruined it by drawing on the back, with markers, whilst creating the image below. I tried to rescue the first image, and sort of succeeded (its a bad photo), by using a white paint pen. I really like the whimsical bird images, and decided to keep exploring them, although I don't usually work with other people's designs.

In this image, I started with the numbers, which span across two journal pages, and then cut out the 'one' and the 'five', leaving two empty spaces, into which I then drew birds, on the page beneath. So there was a pattern of each page being influenced by the previous/following one.  Kind of like days, and years, really. No such thing as a clean slate!

This is the original image on quilted fabric, using random scraps of material, and using the same bird design. I treated it as quilting practice, really, as its something I'm still not very experienced in. I had fun with this!

 Tessellated Pavement, Tasman Peninsula

I read three books by Tasmanian authors at the end of last year - The Sound of One Hand Clapping by Richard Flanagan, What Days Are For by Robert Dessaix, and The Dirty Chef by Matthew Evans. The first is a well-known, moving and much-loved novel about migrants in Tasmania, and the impact of loss and grief on two generations. The second is Dessaix's memoir - musings on mortality and what he calls life's layers, after a sudden heart attack, and the third is a fascinating (and often mouth-watering) account of novice farmer, former food critic and city dweller Evans, as seen on SBS's series Gourmet Farmer. All are aiming for authenticity in their own sphere - and it was good to read them whilst in Tasmania.

I love these images of the Tessellated Pavement on the Tasman Peninsula. The shapes, although naturally occurring through erosion, are quite regular, and the straight lines are unusual in nature, so it looks quite surreal.

A nice rave about 'detoxing' for the New Year, by Oliver Burkeman, here. Happy New Year, and please leave a comment, if you want to. I've had over 15,000 visits to this blog since I started five years ago, in late 2009, which is amazing!

more later.

What's Wrong with Work?

Last Monday soon, after I arrived at work, I experienced some classic migraine symptoms - flashing zigzag lights, and photo phobia - but weirdly, without the throbbing headache (believe me, I'm not complaining).  My GP says no one really knows the cause of migraines. But still. Work stress, I am wondering...

Why write about work in the holidays? Well, I guess its that time of year, when we take some perspective on things. and a big part of 'things' is work. Its what we do, literally. But work is a difficult topic to write about, because if you are employed by an organisation, big or small, there are restrictions on what you can express in the public domain.

Some are stricter than others. In The Undesirables, Mark Isaacs describes working on Nauru's (really, Australia's) offshore detention centre, as an untrained, and totally unprepared, young employee of the Salvation Army. The work contract included the threat of being sacked if there was any 'leakage' of information about the appalling conditions for asylum seekers on Nauru, created by the Australian government. Isaacs no longer works on Nauru, and the Salvation Army no longer work there either. Which proves the point, from both sides, really.

In my case, work is not so draconian, but it is challenging. I took on full-time work this year, after two years of full-time Social Work study. My aim in studying was to get Mental Health Social Worker status, which I now have, and which enables me to work in private practice. And not be a full-time employee.

So, what was I thinking? Well, its easy to get into these kind of situations. When there is no one else in the immediate family with a permanent job, for example. These are the conditions we are living in* at the moment. Threatened and real redundancies, and rising unemployment, create an atmosphere of work status anxiety.

It takes courage to leave a job because the conditions are bad, or the system is screwed (and the 'system' could be the Public Service, or a 'not for profit'). Especially if you believe in what the system is trying to achieve, overall.  But I think it also takes courage and resilience to stay in a job where the conditions are bad, or the system is screwed - let's face it, we don't all have the luxury of acting on our principles, all of the time.

These two collages are called 'problems' and 'solutions', respectively. In the first one, things are out of kilter, fake, and there are chaotic, juxtaposed elements that don't make sense. In the second, there is greater coherence, respect for traditional knowledge, and living in harmony with nature. The real, and the ideal.  The second image makes me feel at peace. The first makes me feel sick. Perhaps I should try horse-riding.

Well, I have made one decision about work, and its in progress as I write. I have reduced my hours back to four days instead of five, which frees up one day a week for pursuing other things. This starts next week, in the New Year. I'll keep you posted, excuse the pun.

Purging and Setting Intentions
The idea of a symbolic purge intrigues me. Throw out all your 'bad stuff', on 28th December, which is Good Riddance Day, apparently. Or is that only in New York? Seems like it hasn't really caught on here yet. But I have participated in a similar ritual, on a meditation retreat, of writing down what you want to let go of, and putting the paper its written on in the communal fire. Honestly, I don't feel the symbolism, but then I am no good at setting intentions, either. When I do yoga, thats my intention. Just to do yoga. Not to think about what I intend to achieve by doing yoga. But I guess some people find it helpful.

Grumpy Old Mentor
I heard this expression today on Radio National, talking about Bill Murray's character in the movie St Vincent. I think this is something I could sometimes be described as, and aspire to.

Ordinary
One more thing, I liked this piece by Leigh Sales, about how journalists often write about how surprising it is when terrible things (sieges, massacres, acts of terrorism, plane crashes) tend to happen on 'ordinary days' - the fact that they do is obvious really. That seems to be the whole point, its surprising that we are surprised. Appreciate what (ordinary life) you have, while you can, is the overarching message. You never know when the ordinary may become extraordinarily bad.

A hyperlink won't work as its in the Australian, and its a pay to view article. You can see it on Twitter, go to @Eclair172.

That's all for now, more later.

N.B.
This post was somewhat prompted by my brother's imminent retirement. He is almost 2 years younger than me; this demonstrates the power of the sibship, and how we measure our 'success' in life! And again, I am not complaining!


*not sure if I agree with this writer, but I liked the metaphor of the 'middle class earthquake'. I don't blame airbnb. It seems like a great idea. Its capitalism I have a problem with.

In Tasmania

 

Lime Bay, Tasman Peninsula

This post features a selection of photos from our recent trip to Tasmania, the first holiday without children for 26 years! We hired a campervan, and followed the coast from Hobart, via the Tasman Peninsula, up the East Coast, including Freycinet, and then headed West as far as Launceston. We then drove South back to Hobart, where we stayed for another week. 

 Lime Bay

The rocky coastlines are so different from Queensland.

Near Lime Bay

This was supposed to be a lagoon, almost completely dried out. 

Near Lime Bay

 Tessellated Pavement, Tasman Peninsula

Interesting rock formations, partly eroded into grid-like patterns.

 Winery, East Coast

 Wineglass Bay, Freycinet Peninsula

Its a tough walk to reach this view, but worth the effort. 

 

 Wineglass Bay

 Wineglass Bay

 Wallaby, Freycinet 

Blue Wren, Coles Bay, Freycinet

This bird was at the campsite, in the Freycinet National Park.

Rock lichen, the Gardens, Bay of Fires

Amazing colours on the rocks. I would like to explore this area more, but the road stops here. 

 Colourful Cow

Ashgrove Cheese Factory, Elizabeth Town, Cradle to Coast Tasting Trail, Bass Highway

I bought lavender flavoured cheese here, from the nearby Lavender farm at Bridestowe.

Yum.

Rainforest, St Columba Falls, near St Helens

Rainforest, St Columba Falls, near St Helens

This was a beautiful walk down to the base of the waterfall.

Musselroe Bay, North East coast

A very remote area, hardly anyone there, just some holiday homes and one other camper. And lots of rabbits. Very peaceful.

 Bridport, North Coast

 

Sweet peas and foxgloves, Hobart Botanical Gardens

Artichoke, Hobart Botanical Gardens

There was a team filming a segment for the ABC's Gardening Australia while we were there. Something to do with pumpkins.

That's it for today. I hope to be a more active blogger again in 2015.  I could blame working full-time, which has taken its toll - and that is going to change in the New Year. Some exciting new projects in the pipeline - will write more when its more definite. 

Happy Holidays!

more later.

Should 'hate' be banned?

Someone told me the other day that they have banned the word 'hate' in their household - and what did I think?

This caught me my surprise, and I had to think on my feet, but I ended up saying 'hate' is just a word, it describes a feeling, and all feelings are ok.  Its hard enough for children to talk about their feelings, without having to navigate the parental  equivalent of political correctness. Which, confusingly,  I generally believe to be a good thing, and now there is proof that it works, as Oliver Burkeman reports.

Its actions, not feelings, we should be worried about. But is saying 'I hate you' an aggressive act? Is 'hate' even a feeling, or a thought? And can I express how I feel, when I am angry, without being verbally aggressive? Non-violent language tries to address this, but it can be challenging at times. I had another incident like this this morning, of getting 'lost' on my bike...no bike throwing occurred this time, but S and I lost each other again, and I had no phone, keys or money, again.

Meanwhile, we are in the middle of enjoying a fantastic British Film Festival, at the Palace cinemas, this weekend: we saw Testament of Youth last night, in which Vera Brittain, who became a pacifist, bravely speaks out against post-war sanctions on Germany, after losing her fiance, her brother, and other friends in the First World War. The more things change, the more they seem to stay the same.

Other festival films we have seen include Jimmy's Hall, Mr Turner and the Love Punch, with one more today, What we did on our Holidays. I am also keen on the Imitation game, but may be running out of cinema stamina, although being indoors and eating ice cream seems very sensible in this heat. Record* high temperatures of 40 degrees and above are anticipated today.

 

Brisbane is currently hosting the G20. Twenty five years after the collapse of the Berlin Wall,  Brisbane is like a police state this weekend. with wall to wall cops and prison vans. The city is otherwise deserted.

The highlight of G20 yesterday was Obama's speech at University of Queensland, which clearly called for action on climate change, amongst other things. Tony Abbott's insistence that 'Coal is good for humanity' is seriously being challenged.  Finally. By an American president. Who would have thought?

more later

*for November - its still only Spring...

What I love (and hate) about Australia - 2 lists, 25 years today!

We arrived in Oz 25 years ago today. So here are 25 things I love about Australia, not in any particular order:

1. Frequent sunshine
2. The great outdoors - spectacular scenery and a healthy lifestyle
3. Amazing produce, and excellent food in (some) restaurants and cafes
4. Space - room to breathe
5. Wildlife
6. The beach
7. Plants, from native orchids to flowering trees, like poincianas, jacarandas and frangipanis
8.  Shaun Micallef's Mad as Hell
9. Matthew Evans' Gourmet Farmer
10. Gardening Australia
11. Mangoes, lychees and other tropical fruit (but especially mangoes)
12. Rainforest
13. Tasmania 
14. Proximity to New Zealand and Asia
15. Denise Scott, Wendy Harmer, Julia Zemiro and Judith Lucy - and all the other women who make me laugh
16. No longer having to pay a mortgage in London
17. Really good coffee
18. Priscilla, Queen of the Desert
19. Birth Centre at the Royal Brisbane and Women's Hospital, where J was born
20. Aboriginal art and culture, and Aboriginal people's relationship to the land
21. Laughing Lotus Yoga - simultaneously nurturing and challenging classes
22. Food Connect - veggie box scheme sustainably connecting farmers and consumers
23. Higher Education - UQ for establishing an art therapy program, and QUT, for teaching me to be a social worker, when it was still affordable.
24. Friends, new and old
25. Family - both near and far

 

And then there is the not so good...

1.  Immigration policies - see #4 above - we have lots of room to spare
2. (Lack of) climate change policies in current government
3. Car culture, poor public transport
4. Hideous pubs
5. High levels of domestic violence
6. 'Casual' racism and sexism
7. Nowhere near Europe or UK
8. Dependency on coal mining and other fossil fuel
9. Very hot days
10. Commercial TV, truly trashy

more later