Time for Change?

Cauldron: Anxiety

Change, the Buddhists say, is the only thing we can be certain of. 

Still a bit shell-shocked by the recent State election, in which the Labor Party were almost annihilated. What is surprising in particular is the extent of the swing to the National Liberal Party. Some it seems wanted change no matter what, which of course, is what democracy usually delivers. The longer the governing party stays in power, it seems, the harder the fall in popular support, when it comes. 

This drawing, above, is about an experience of anxiety early this morning, due to thinking about assignments! I had an internal image of the bowl or cauldron, which is a shape I am often drawn to, full of moving fragments, like fleeting feelings and thoughts. Interestingly, the image in my mind was originally in black and white, but I didn't have those pastels in my pastel box. The pastel that looks like white, is actually green - the colours are washed out due to the camera flash. The black was added later, with watercolour ink. The sensation was one of upward movement and agitation, of constant flickering, like fireflies rather than butterflies. I did manage to breathe through this sensation, which changed it enough to feel calmer, but not enough to go back to sleep. 

Autumn fruit: persimmons and tamarillos

Change of course is as inevitable as the seasons. We can try to resist change, but it doesn't work. This book will save your life, which I have written about before, is a very satisfying book by A.M.Homes, about a man who tries to avoid the unpredictability of life by staying indoors, shunning human contact, and trading on the (admittedly changeable) stock market. His life becomes a roller coaster of surprises and opportunities, after a sink hole opens up outside his house (this is set in L.A.), and he experiences extreme physical pain, both of which events seem to have symbolic, as well as literal, meaning. I think it would make a great movie. 

I have just read another (non-fiction) book by A.M. Homes (whose first name is Amy), The mistress's daughter, which is about her investigation into her birth family, as she was adopted. She also wrote the Safety of Objects, which was made into a film a few years ago. 

Personal Learning Plan: Assignment one

On the subject of change, I want to make one more comment, this time about the politics of fashion. I have a book called Fashion and Anti-Fashion, which is a kind of anthropological investigation of the purpose of fashion, arguing that fashion is basically about change for the sake of change (and selling products, of course). The content is basically irrelevant. The constant element of change is what is important: it signifies being fashionable, and presumably, being open to change.  On this note, and with some irony, I was interested to read this article about Asma Assad, wife of the Syrian president. Asma was apparently admired for being keen on (French designer) Louboutin platform shoes, which was supposed to denote that she would espouse 'Western values' of democracy and freedom. Shock horror, apparently not true! Asma does like French shoes, but doesn't want democratic change in Syria. Quelle surprise!

Now the evenings and mornings are cooler, I am happy wearing my unfashionable fake ugg boots, bought in New Zealand, much to the disgust of my family. Doubly uncool - not even real uggs. 

more later.

its knot all black and white...happy harmony day!

'knot all black and white': collage and pastels

I made this collage after thinking about how to integrate art therapy and social work knowledge.

The colourful flowers or cogs, represent art therapy knowledge, and the black and white 'knotty' patches represent social work theory. Not that it is colourless or anything, I am actually enjoying reading the theories and frameworks, but it is a little different from art therapy texts - actually better written I would have to say. And its all about the words: no pictures, and only a few diagrams!!

Basically, I have always believed that most disciplines, although having their own knowledge base, also use a lot of shared, or generic, knowledge. (This is what I have learned from belonging to a discipline that is only just on the edge of being recognised as a valid discipline, at least by the 'powers that be', whoever they are...in Evidence Based Practice-land.) This view was challenged by being asked recently to write something that I see as generic, 'from a social work perspective', which to me was pretty meaningless.

Well I am sort of getting it, now. Luckily, as this is what I am paying for, to have a 'social work perspective'. It made me reflect on what knowledge is shared, and what is specialised, or 'owned'. Art therapists also feel ownership - of using art in clinical settings - but that view is not necessarily shared by others. Interesting stuff.

Lights and lanterns, La Boite, As you like it  

Words can be a delight, as they were in the recent (current) production of As you like it we went to see last week at La Boite, also at  'my' university, QUT. Shakespeare surely is all about the words. And I love it!! The photo, above, is part of the set, taken in the interval. Its a collection of lanterns and fairy lights, meant to evoke the Woodford Folk Festival. 

knots - silicon baking ties.

I can remember seeing a play by RD Laing called knots. It was hilarious. 

Its Harmony Day today. Apparently (according to the government website) its all about Sport - how Australian! Actually, its all about racial harmony. Sorry chaps.

Happy Harmony Day!

more later.

lets talk about death, grief and suffering

collage: garden

Friday night, I went to a talk on Secular Buddhism by Stephen and Martine Bachelor. It was interesting, although hard to concentrate in the heat, after a long day at work. The highlight was a walking meditation around Musgrave Park, like a bunch of zombies. 

Is atheism the new black? Suddenly it seems to be everywhere...

Yesterday was the second anniversary of my father's death. It was a sad and reflective day. Really, anniversaries are a gift, an opportunity to reflect and connect with feelings. I liked my sister's comment in her blog, about other people's need to use the euphemism 'passed away' - which is probably even more prevalent here in Australia - instead of mentioning the words death or dying. 

collage: letting go

I love the image of the girl letting something go, she has such a great expression. I made this collage just after dad died. Ironically, I find this a joyful image.

The weekend was also the first anniversary of the earthquake and tsunami that hit Japan in March last year. I read something in the weekend magazine about a father who lost his wife, and who did not know how to talk about the loss with his sons. He waited two months to even tell them she died. This was really really sad.

We all run from pain. But if you are a Buddhist, you know life is suffering. So why run? Or should the question be, run where? From life? 

Two good things - I got credit for one of my courses this semester. And I am doing project 365 on my I-Phone, a photo each day of something I am grateful for. 

Tried to explain to someone today, why I write this blog. Hard to articulate. Perhaps I should have said, read it, its self-explanatory. I hope it is. 

more later.

celebrations

'Happy Anniversary': Good and Sturdy Art by Shari Elf

This is the art-work I gave S for our first anniversary on Leap Year Day, 29th February. It was made by artist Shari Elf, who makes art from recycled rubbish, and who also has a 'world famous crochet museum' in Joshua Tree, California. Her website is worth a look, link is above. Great fun.

Leap Year day itself was incredibly busy, with uni workshops (as a student) all day, followed by a seminar and workshop (as a lecturer) in the evening. In the day time workshop, I had a strong transference reaction to the student I was doing a role play with: he reminded me of S, as he was basically problem-solving in a situation where I, as a client, wanted a more empathic response. So I said this in class, and instantly felt this was too brutal, but it was too late to retract. This is a common experience for me! Me and my big mouth...

Anyway, we went away for the weekend, which was relaxing, walking around Noosa National Park and avoiding the timeshare trap at the resort, Novotel Twin Waters, which was less fun. Noisy air-conditioning, tv falling off the wall, smoke wafting up to our room from the balcony below, and really more of a conference venue than the place for a quiet weekend away...it was a place to sleep, no more!

We also went to Cafe Envy, which serves great breakfasts, at Cotton Tree, near the Boatshed (which I may have mentioned before...).

Cafe envy artwork - from the Ladies' loo!

Taking steps, making stitches: collage with paper thread and pastels

I made this image in peer supervision last night, its sewn together from four different coloured papers, and then oil pastels on top. Its a representation of my attempts to juggle work and study and teaching and family life at the moment. The pink dashes are my footsteps around QUT in the last week or two, finding rooms and feeling disorientated at times.  It was really satisfying stitching it all together. I love sewing! What also emerged is my enjoyment of my work as a therapist at the moment. 

Its been a huge week, and to cap it all, I have now had over 2,000 hits to this blog. About 2040 in fact. That's exciting!

more later.

back to school - and role reversals

customised QUT bag

This week has indeed been a bit surreal - and a bit of a culture shock as well. When I first went to uni, in 1977, we wrote our assignments by hand (being too poor to own a typewriter!), and there were subsidised cafes, union shops and communal spaces to hang out; now we have to go to Google Hangout, which isn't actually a real place, but an internet virtual space. And a cup of tea cost me $3.70 at the campus cafe...so the next day I took my thermos flask and tea bags with me...

I am supposed to be 'friends' with other students in my cohort of over 50, on Google plus, but I don't yet know the names of most of the other students, and the maximum in a group is 10 - so who do I choose? And is this really just another glorified version of Facebook?

To be fair, the content has been fine, the students I have spoken to have been friendly and interesting, I am learning my way around, and the number of assignments is daunting but probably do-able. The days have been long however, and I am keen for this first part to be over, so I can digest and reflect...I am only writing this today as the Saturday workshop was cancelled at the last minute, so I have some free time. 

A couple of 'my' graduates from UQ MMH art therapy program are doing the same course as me, this is really interesting and I am already noticing changes in my relationship with them, since I no longer have to be their teacher. There is a small group of creative therapists in the cohort, which is fantastic. I am starting teaching next week, so the weirdness will continue. I am sure I will have more empathy at least...

Meanwhile, in the real world (sorry QUT) it has been raining like crazy. More rain is likely in the next week. 

And its a year since the most damaging Christchurch earthquake.

And the Australian Labor party is having its most cataclysmic, ridiculous, damaging leadership battle, again, between Julia Gillard (Prime Minister) and Kevin Rudd (recently resigned Foreign Minister). Hopefully it will soon all be over. I can hardly bear to reward this bad behaviour by ever voting for them again...is it just me?

more later

Sewing and other attachments

bunting banner for 'in stitches' girls' group

We started a sewing group for teenage girls last week at work, called 'In Stitches'. This is the banner, made from an Ikea upholstery remnant and using iron-on vliesofix (?) for the applique of the letters. The individual flags are machine stitched onto wide blue bias binding, which is folded in half and pinned into place, enclosing the top of the flag. It almost forms a circle when the edges are drawn together, this was for the purpose of photographing the banner. I am very excited about this group!

felt collage: 'secure attachment'

felt collage: 'insecure ambivalent/resistant'

felt collage: 'insecure avoidant'

felt collage: 'disorganised/disorientated'

These four collages were created by me a few years ago, in response to reading 'Circles of attachment: Art therapy albums' by Joanna Clyde Findlay, Margarette Erasme Lathan and Noah Hass-Cohen, in Art therapy and clinical neuroscience edited by Noah Hass-Cohen and Richard Carr. Most of the book is heavy-going, but this chapter describes a delightful project in which art therapy students created fabric 'attachment journals' to illustrate the four main attachment styles, and to ultimately explore their understanding of their own attachment style.

Some of the trainee therapists found that their attachments became more secure, as a result of doing the project.

I had to make one as well, since it combined book-making, felting, fabric collage, machine embroidery and of course, Attachment Theory: Bowlby and Ainsworth's framework for understanding early infant-carer relationships. I can remember thinking at the time of making the collages, my attachment style was probably insecure, (either avoidant or ambivalent) although now I am not so sure.

And now I am reading about attachment again, in a prescribed reading for my Social Work Masters, starting next Monday. I found it interesting to learn that Bowlby, once a follower of Melanie Klein, was rejected by the Freudians for emphasising the real environment of the infant (i.e. the primary caregiver) rather than the 'psychic projections' or fantasies of the baby. This gave me some insight into why attachment theory was so unpopular when I was studying art therapy at Goldsmiths in the 1980's, as the theory was based on Klein and the 'object relations' school.

The reason this theory is in a book on neuroscience and art therapy, indicates (I think) that neuroscience is now proving that Bowlby and Ainsworth's attachment theory was right. Sorry Melanie!

I seem to be managing without my laptop, although am writing on a borrowed Mac, which is making this slightly harder than usual. And I know I am about to get much busier...

This is an interesting quiz from Tamsin's blog, which i mentioned recently: find your political compass. Relieved I was in the same quadrant to Gandhi, Dalai Lama and Mandela. Phew.

more later.

Then the wind changed

photo from the chook project

This is the title of a beautifully made documentary on ABC I-view - only available for another 13 days!

It is about the grief and recovery of the residents of Strathewen, Victoria, who survived the Black Saturday Bush fires in 2009 (exactly three years ago). It includes a fantastic community project to create knitted chooks for the primary school children, and (briefly) a cute baby wombat, which is cared for by one of the survivors. It speaks more generally about grief, the need for healing rituals, such as 'soup night', and how the community regrouped (literally). It also tells the stories of some of the individuals and families, including the documentary maker, Celeste Geer, and how they coped with losing their homes, loved ones and friends.

The link to the chook project reveals that the woman who initiated the chook project is an art therapist, Barbara Joyce. Very inspiring, as I know from experience how hard it is to knit a chook...

wombat feeding time at Australia Zoo, June 2011

I am back from Townsville, and counting down the days until my Masters in Social Work begins on 20th Feb. But today I am back at work...

More later.