failing, fasting, felting, free food and some critical reflection

 'noticing the cracks'

Before christmas, I wrote here about having a second interview for a job I had applied for, however I noticed myself choosing not to follow that thread up here - basically, because I didn't get the job. That is the blogger's privilege, I guess, but its worth considering how we make these choices when constructing the narrative of our lives, whether the electronic or 'real' versions. We are probably all selective about what we post on Facebook, for example. Its totally ok to brag about our successes, but less so to air our failures.

It is a similar issue to a Radio National discussion on the Law Report I heard this week, about Photoshopping female models to make them look thinner, and how the fashion/magazine industry doesn't follow voluntary guidelines about this. The more others seem to look perfect, the worse we are likely to feel in our normal imperfection...

'never good enough'

Interestingly, I was able to identify some downsides to (hypothetically) getting the job at the time, but not to consider the possibility of 'failure'. Although clearly, going for a job interview always includes a good chance of failure, unless there is only one candidate, in which case, it probably isn't an 'interview' at all. And the last 'interview' I had, for my current job, was like that. In other words, its been a long time since I experienced the excruciating process of putting myself out there and facing the possibility of failure. (Whilst I was writing this paragraph, I got a phone call inviting me to an interview next week, for another job I applied for, how ironic! Another opportunity to self-monitor...and practice acceptance. Oh, and another opportunity to try to get another job...)

Part of my dilemma is that I love my current job (so I don't really want to leave), but its only for two days a week, which is not enough. The other part of the dilemma is that now I have  been granted my Accredited Mental Health Social Worker status, it would be a shame not to immediately use it! And I am exploring some possibilities around that as well. Its great to have options, don't get me wrong...

 

free tomatoes, see below

Fasting (doing the 5:2 fast) is another topic which I sometimes tend to gloss over, basically because I  think I don't do it properly. This means that I eat a little during the day, for example fruit or almonds, and I don't always limit carbs in my evening meal. However I think I did ok yesterday, literally not eating between 7am and 8pm apart from that peach, so I thought I'd explain what I ate, to make it clearer. I can't calculate calories, but its a lot less than I usually eat (on a non-fasting day).

• 7 am Breakfast: 1/2 cup of uncooked muesli, soy milk, 1 fresh fig, frozen mulberries, natural yogurt. I skinny cappuccino.
• no Lunch except miso in boiling water, and cups of tea a couple of times during the day
• 6pm I ate a peach before going to a Body Balance class, so I didn't feel faint.
• 8pm Dinner: (late because of the class) chili made with lean beef chunks, kidney beans, tinned tomatoes, onion, celery, red capsicum, and spices including cocoa (my 'secret' ingredient, makes it very yum), a small spoonful of freekeh, salsa with corn, mango, tomatoes, red onion, lime juice, olive oil, fresh coriander, and low fat natural yoghurt. I also had more fruit (peach and fig) and yoghurt after this. 

I probably ate too much chili, as it was delicious, I was tired and hungry, and my youngest, J, had made it (with some assistance from me), so it was extra special!

I was a kilo lighter this morning than the day before. This is mainly because there is less food in my system, but it does feel good: its encourages me to keep going, the trajectory is still downwards, and I also didn't feel super hungry or have a headache, as I sometimes do after a fast day. I also noticed that a mouth ulcer that had been hanging around for a week had gone. Perhaps this was a coincidence...but one of the interesting ideas behind the 5:2 fast is that fasting allows the body a breathing space from digestion to heal.

This is an Instagram of some felt slippers I made yesterday, in about an hour or so (time becomes available when not eating!). They are made from a washing machine felted Fair Isle (traditional Scottish pattern) moth-eaten woollen jumper using this pattern, and inspiration from this blog. They are a bit big, but the pattern is adjustable, so I should be able to correct this next time. Its not really slipper weather, but I remember a colleague talking about having 'slipper weeks', meaning she was basically at home all the time, like a 'staycation'. I am having lots of 'slipper time' at the moment, and loving it.

Finally, some free food, to continue the 'F' theme for today. I have a whole tomato patch that is self-seeded. It is in an area that used to be part of the chook run, so its full of seeds, including rocket, basil and pumpkin, as well as tomatoes, and is well-fertilised. All I have done is mulch and stake the plants, remove the lateral shoots, provide water, and pick the results, as in the photo above.

Since I am aiming for zero food waste, and 'using what I have', this is fantastic!

I'd love to hear your thoughts about any of these topics. To post a comment on this blog, scroll down and click on 'post a comment'. 

more later