taking time to notice things

the chaos of modern life

Yesterday I enjoyed watching the chooks eating their food. Today when I fed them, I noticed one of them was missing, and the one that is her best friend  was looking very scared. So I think the carpet snake has been back, after all. Now we urgently have to snake proof the chook house.

I have revisisted the shopping centre to get my glasses adjusted, and kept having to remind myself not to look in clothes shops! It is surprisingly liberating however, when I remember. This Guardian article here  by Tanya Gold expresses just how I feel...(I have just learnt how to do links, thanks to my 15 yr old son).

It is so easy to get sucked into this consumerism stuff! I admit I have not been feeling totally positive and motivated in the last 24 hours. This is ok, as I understand that my emotions will always be in a state of flux...for example, I felt overwhelmed after writing out my resolutions last night, as I worked out how to do this on the Happiness Toolkit website. I made the mistake of writing too many behavioural goals, and realising I did not want to be checking them off every day: in fact it made me feel as if I would develop OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) and would spend so much time checking, I would have less time to do what matters. And I truly believe that checking is not what matters. So back to the drawing board on that one, but I will work out something I am more comfortable with. Lists, I think, will be important. I like lists, they give me the illusion of order.

On the more positive side, I got some creative inspiration from the library, in the form of Heston Blumenthal's Fat Duck Cookbook. I can guarantee I will never cook anything in it, (I don't have the necessary science lab equipment) but the images are amazing, as is the whole concept. More edible sculpture than food, but what a mind he has, to conceive of making a dish incorporating gold, frankincense and myrrh. He also tells stories about his childhood food memories, which I can relate to, as we grew up in England in the same era (think Berni Inns, old school Chinese restaurants, and Opal Fruits, before they got rebranded as Starburst).

Speaking of food, there was an interesting program on SBS last night, called House of Food Obsessives. It used the application of positive psychology to address eating issues, in a similar manner to Making Australia Happy, which was on ABC a couple of months ago. Summer seems to be the time for reality TV shows about positive psychology...perhaps they think no one will be watching? The importance of taking risks was stressed, and each participant was challenged to live their lives more fully according to what would make them happy, and stop using food to avoid dealing with difficult feelings or sensations. The guy who ate only chicken and rice with chili sauce for dinner for 20 years was the most fascinating. He was challenged to go to a life drawing class, which seemd to help get him out of his comfort zone, and into the (good) zone. Doing art, I would argue, helps us be more mindful, and therefore less avoidant.

I also saw a move called Speak (2004) which was about a traumatised teenage girl who was scared to speak about her traumatic experience, until she started to express herself in her art class. The art teacher was a dreadful rebel against the system stereotype, but the movie was good (I am in a DVD mailing club, still in the introductory free period at the moment). 

Being on leave right now, I am slowing down, which is great, but at the same time, I panic occasionally about getting less done. I am becoming more aware of what I need to do: for example, I am putting on sunscreen before taking the dog for a walk (its actually been quite sunny in the last few days, although another storm is brewing right now). However, this takes time - it seems to take me about half an hour to get out of the door, as I am remembering to take my camera, my keys, etc. However, once I am out, I am noticing things, like this beautiful tree which I had walked past many times, and never seen before.

I went to the gym again today, and did a yoga class (I arrived late, so only had time to run before the class for 10 minutes). I also did a drawing, see above. It is more of an 'art therapy' type drawing this time, expressing being overwhelmed by feelings, thoughts and the general complexity and chaos of modern life. It also depicts the difficulty of containing these experiences at times.

The storm has come and gone. Just like my bad mood.

More later.