community in grief
Whilst I was on social work placement this semester, a tragedy occurred. This is what I wrote soon after:
Leaving is always difficult, as it means the ending of valued relationships, and this is usually a sad process. However, this was a depth of sadness I was not anticipating, which is probably why I have been avoiding writing this blog post until now. Unfortunately we experienced the devastating impact of the suicide of a worker from our placement two weeks ago.
This has been an incredibly difficult event for me (and everyone who knew her) to process and come to terms with, for many reasons. For one thing, for me at least, it was completely unexpected. And secondly, this woman was an amazing, compassionate and unique person, a fantastic role model for other people using the service, with a huge amount to offer others, and an inspirational story of rising above adversity. And thirdly, despite her wonderful qualities, she was in so much emotional pain, she could not face spending any more time on this planet. Fourthly, she was a worker, not a ‘client’, and aren’t we supposed to have got it all together, to work in this business? (I am being ironic here, by the way.)
What, in the end, does it all mean? It may be too early to try to make sense of this experience. I still am very grateful that I went to the agency for my placement. It is a very unique service for marginalised people. And of course, not everyone can be saved, which is not a new learning for me, but it is a sobering reminder, for those of us who may have fantasies of rescuing others.
There is a theory about grief known as the Continuing Bonds theory, which stresses the importance of maintaining connections with people who have died, rather than 'letting go'. I left my placement over three weeks ago, but I seem to have been in some kind of denial, as I have managed to go back there at least once week since then. In fact, I always imagined I would continue to have some ongoing contact with the agency. Now, I have even more reason than before to do so.
(On reflection, and out of respect, I have removed the name of the agency from this post.)
more later.
Leaving is always difficult, as it means the ending of valued relationships, and this is usually a sad process. However, this was a depth of sadness I was not anticipating, which is probably why I have been avoiding writing this blog post until now. Unfortunately we experienced the devastating impact of the suicide of a worker from our placement two weeks ago.
This has been an incredibly difficult event for me (and everyone who knew her) to process and come to terms with, for many reasons. For one thing, for me at least, it was completely unexpected. And secondly, this woman was an amazing, compassionate and unique person, a fantastic role model for other people using the service, with a huge amount to offer others, and an inspirational story of rising above adversity. And thirdly, despite her wonderful qualities, she was in so much emotional pain, she could not face spending any more time on this planet. Fourthly, she was a worker, not a ‘client’, and aren’t we supposed to have got it all together, to work in this business? (I am being ironic here, by the way.)
What, in the end, does it all mean? It may be too early to try to make sense of this experience. I still am very grateful that I went to the agency for my placement. It is a very unique service for marginalised people. And of course, not everyone can be saved, which is not a new learning for me, but it is a sobering reminder, for those of us who may have fantasies of rescuing others.
There is a theory about grief known as the Continuing Bonds theory, which stresses the importance of maintaining connections with people who have died, rather than 'letting go'. I left my placement over three weeks ago, but I seem to have been in some kind of denial, as I have managed to go back there at least once week since then. In fact, I always imagined I would continue to have some ongoing contact with the agency. Now, I have even more reason than before to do so.
(On reflection, and out of respect, I have removed the name of the agency from this post.)
more later.
3 comments:
Hi Claire
This was hard to read but I was interested in the continuing bonds theory, must look at this. I am following a journey at this time but it is a real roller coaster but hopefully it will be worth it in the end. I have found your blog thought provoking and enjoyed reading it.
Hi Elaine, and welcome to my blog, great to have you along! I really appreciate all comments and always try to respond. This was a very difficult event to process as a student, as a therapist, as a colleague, and as a person. It (the placement as a whole, not just this incident) also challenged my ideas about professional boundaries and being a 'helper'. I guess however, the most difficult times are often the times of greatest growth. I heard yesterday about a book by stephen joseph, about post traumatic growth, which is very interesting, called What doesn't kill you, this is a link to the website: http://www.abc.net.au/radionational/programs/lifematters/stephen-joseph/4420946
take care, Claire
Hi Claire,
The issue of boundaries is always a challenge in Social Work as you enter people's lives often at times of crisis and trauma. Working with children with disabilities and complex health needs brings it home in a stark way, as families are struggling with grief in many parts of their lives including transitions at various points for the child, so the grief itself can be a long term journey that reocurs in diffent ways. As a worker it a challenge to maintain professionalism, but to be able to walk along side to offer active support and compassion. We have lost both children and staff this year with other's being very poorly. So another very challenging year for everyone.. I have seen this reference, so must have a look at it. Take care, Elaine
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